Further Mindfulness

Have been making attempts at meditation most nights before bed, leading to the question: does it make a difference? Hard to put a definitive answer, but will say that did have a couple of great walks with Debbie while on holiday. Walking along the beach with my shoes off, feeling the sand in my feet and the wind blowing. Just being more aware of all around me.

Spending 10 -20 minutes being still is interesting. Being physically still and also mentally still too. Not being blank in mind as that is not vipassana meditation.

Being and mindfulness

As we are on summer break form the course will just write a few thoughts of my own - in writing that should not and are not all thoughts I have my own anyway? Or is it true that there is really nothing new under the sun - rather just new ways of saying things?

Life is good - well I am feeling good, which makes life good. There is a saying from somewhere - do not ask how life is treating you today, but rather ask how are you treating life today? Have been reading some books on mindfulness recently (The Miracle of Mindfulnes). Just ordered a new one this week (Mindfulness in Plain English). A concept coming from Buddhism. The idea being to be more aware of your self and all that is occurring in the now. Not to be concerned about yesterday or even the last minute, but to be in the now, the present. Nor to be concerned too much with the future. Certainly make plans but do not get obsessed with them. Live and be in the moment.

Continuing the process

Over the past couple of months have been seeing my own therapist. The progress has been great. I feel so much different inside - a lot more relaxed, clam and at peace with myself. Sure a particular day can bring a problem or two, but my capacity to cope and not get wound up by things has increased - I think tremendously - others may not see if so obviously but I do feel it myself. So you may ask is it a real change? I say, yes it is, even if you only take the view of Anais Nin that "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

Becoming different...

This is where the challenge is - becoming different. The question is, am I really becoming a different person or just awakening bits of me that may have been dormant or hidden for some time? Another question, is why the need for change? Cannot I not function as a person-centred counsellor as I am? My own answer to that now, is no, I cannot. A couple of months back the answer would have been different, but as I become more aware of myself and my changes I feel I would have only been going through the motions.

Been a while...

Hi again - as the title of this post says, it's been a while since I posted here. 17th October 2007 was the last post and today is the 22nd May 2008. That's 7 months!! Didn't realise it was quite so long. I shall make an effort to keep more up to date. Why though? Mainly been too involved in the BCUC Person-Centred counselling diploma, to have enough time. I said BCUC, which stood for Buckinghamshire Chilterns University college. It is now known as BNU - Buckingham New University.

The journey has been continuing...

The course is a challenge. Not so much intellectually - more in terms of the personal development expected and required. Well, expected is not the exact word to use, as that would imply absolute necessity and that you would not succeed in the course without personal development and while the word does not seem right, actually that is the case. But still the word expected does not sit right with me - it does not feel the right word to describe the process. Part of that reason is personal development and growth cannot be forced. It is like a lot of things the more you try to force it the further away it ends up.

You need to be ready to be different.

Hospital stay...

Wasn't going to mention this, but as the technology is available might as well use it. Today is Wednesday, so will recount what has happened since being admitted Monday evening. Had been experiencing chest pain most of the day. Beth drove me to a DIY store, when the pain started getting worse, coupled with breathlessness. We decided to see if Heatherwood minor injuries would be able to help. They were. Was seen straight away and admitted to the Assessment ward. Nurses, Doctors and other staff all wonderful. Will add more later - only 8:50 but feel worn out. Its now 14:20 so will add some more. Had a blood test and an x-ray. Results came Tuesday morning. Apparently my heart is okay, but there is a possibility of a blood clot on a lung. So am having a CT lung scan. It was hoped to have it Tuesday but turned out no availability. Having it today (Wednesday) at 14:30. Tuesday was spent sitting, well, laying on the bed reading. Just back from the CT scan. Weird feeling as they pump the liquid through your veins - a warm feeling flowing around your body, culminating with a feeling that I had just wet myself. The scan operator was quick to point out its only a feeling, not reality. Earlier today had more blood taken - this time from an artery. First attempt did not succeed - was quite painful and nearly passed out. Second attempt was much better for me - no pain,just a little uncomfortable. Shortly the cannula was put in ready for the scan.

BCUC course continues

We've been having a mixture of lectures, which I've been recording on my phone (with permission from the course tutor) and listening triads. The listening triads are quite a different experience to the triads we had at BCC in Wokingham. We don't role play at all but are encouraged to use real stuff. So it gets quite personal at times. We start off with then idea of doing say 10 minutes each, and changing roles, but sometimes it's difficult, if not actually wrong (even dangerous?), to stop someone in the middle of personal stuff and it can end up half an hour for one person. I was listening to someone for that long the other week. It's quite humbling to have someone share so much personal stuff after only knowing you for a few weeks and then only seeing you one day each week.

Had one experience when another course member and I were being observed by the whole group (22 others). We had volunteered. After a few minutes it was almost like everyone else was not there really. Just was able to get on with everything. That's only been done the once, so I'm not too sure that maybe we did something not quite right :)

Our first assignment is to listen to another person who is on the course for 15 minutes, recording the session, then transcribe it word for word and comment on what was happening. The second assignment is an essay for what counselling is, or what we see it as. We have to do a recording assignment each term. This time it's 15 minutes, next term it's 30 minutes. We've been told the transcribing is the worst part, as it takes so long.

All in all, I'm enjoying and feeling good about the course.

First day at BCUC Counselling course

Well, it was great - thoroughly enjoyed the day. All in all gave me further emphasis to carry on with the progress towards work as full-time counsellor. We did each sign a confidentiality agreement, that we would not reveal anything dicussed in the community. So I'm not sure that much can be related here about the day, expect the type of events and activities that took place.

A good portion of the day was taken with what would be termed administrative details. Needed to be done, but did seem to take an inordinate amount of time. Still, next week there should be nothing of that nature to interfere with the learning and experiencing. But the question perhaps is why did I find the administration stuff such an interference with the day? Why was I so keen to get on with things? At the end of the day there was to be a second community meeting that didn't really happen as we ended up talking about lifts for those who had to catch buses and trains home and some other "housekeeping" bits. Everyone one was catered for, so no one had to travel home on public transport. We concluded at 20:00 as per the schedule, so I got home just after 21:00 after dropping off someone who also lives in the same town as myself. Yet I left wanting more - I could have stayed for another hour!!

We were discouraged, strongly so, from taking up any placement offers until next Easter. So will need to contact No 5 and offer to stay on reception duty until then.

Until next week...

No 5

Had an interview at No 5 Youth Counselling agency yesterday, for a placement - seemed to go well - once I got there! The journey was, well, everything just seemed to go wrong. The journey was supposed to be 8 minutes from start to end, but it took me over 30 minutes to get there. Once I had finally parked was hurrying to get there and tripped up, falling flat on my face, gouging my hand, ripping my trousers at the knee and grazing my leg. Nothing serious but going into an interview with a bleeding hand and torn trousers doesn't look too good :)

It was a group interview setting. Three women and two men. At one point we were split into two groups for role playing. Made me appreciate more the role playing we did at BCC :) Apparently they already have people from BCUC and Roehampton on placements. The other man today is doing a diploma at Metonia in Gestalt therapy. No 5 also do offer supervision. It is Person-Centred, which is good, but only group supervision. So may need some one to one supervision arranged in the future.

Have to fill out a CRB check now and wait for that to get processed. While that is being done there will be opportunity to work on the reception for a bit. They want you to do 18 hours on reception first to get used to how things run there. Then start the counselling later.

Invitation to Person-Centred Psychology started

Have started the above book. Before commenting on it though must again praise "Learning and Being". Chapter 10 on Resources is a wonderful help towards going further in ones knowledge, detailing places to visit, books, journals to study in order to help expand understanding of the Person-Centred approach (PCA).

Invitation to Person-Centred Psychology is a shorter book (150 pages total) though it seems concise in it's approach to the subject. Divided into 4 sections, 17 chapters in all, varying between 5 and 10 pages. This appeals to me. Sometimes long chapters are hard to get through. But that is just me. It confronts the age old question posed of nature or nurture in our development.

"Learning and Being" completed

Completed "Learning and Being" this lunch time. Overall an amazing book. Relatively speaking consider myself still fairly new to the Person-Centred Approach (PCA). Found this book a great help in clarifying the concepts. Had read several other books about the PCA, and this one seemed to bring them all together. Maybe it would have been different if the books had been read in reverse order. For example, if I'd read this book first and was now reading "Person-Centred Counselling in Action" perhaps that book would be bringing all things into better perspective for me now?

Isn't life is like that in all ways? Our experiences help determine our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Not that they fix our thoughts, etc. but rather give us leanings toward certain ways of viewing the world. We can though change, if we have a desire to do so. That is what person-centred counselling (indeed all counselling) is about - changing, developing and growing - the actualizing tendency as Carl Rogers termed it.

No 5 counselling agency

Back on the 27th June made contact with No 5, a youth counselling service based in Berkshire, to apply for a placement as a volunteer counsellor. Exchanged a few emails and phone calls. Yesterday, having not heard anything for just over a month, sent an email asking how the application was progressing. Imagine my surprise (plus a little embarrassment) when I get home and find a letter from them inviting me to interview in September.

So progress continues. Still working through "Learning and Being". Took it to YM camp last week to read in any spare moments. There weren't many, but any there were found me too tired to concentrate. On the few occasions reading was attempted ended up almost falling asleep. Late nights and early mornings do not suit me :)

Accessibility

Wondering how to make this blog more accessible? I suppose it is accessible, but the number of hits is quite low. Question then to ask is why would I want to have a high readership? Would it change the content? It may well, particularly, if people made comments. I suppose without others reading this, the value seems to diminish? But, perhaps the interest is not there in the material. Maybe it's not personal enough to gain attention of passers by?

Facing the darkness

Been reading "Learning and Being" chapter 5 whiie having a bath. It wasn't mentioned but since getting out the thought came that as I persue the PCA there will come a period of darkness as I discover more about myself, who I am, who I am becoming. I don't really want to be different from who I am now, except more patient, more accepting of others, more loving. Perhaps the darkness is passed through to get to the light of being as I desire?

The gardener and the counseller

"What both the gardener and the counseller try to do is create the conditions in which the inherent capacities for growth and development can come to fruition"; so writes Tony Merry, using the same analogy as Janet Tolan I mentioned previously, yet for me adding greater clarity. A counsellor cannot and should not force growth but can and should provide the right conditions, of congruence, empathy and acceptance, along with the other conditions Rogers speaks of as detailed in the previous post here.

Learning and Being continued...

Seem to be taking longer to read through Learning and Being, than other counselling books previously studied. Why so? Following some thought, feel the answer is, it is one of the better person-centred books I've come across. Not that the others I've studied and read are bad, just that this one covers everything in a more appealing way for me. Perhaps, though, the other books helped lay a foundation and this book is cementing together all the previous thoughts and concepts, so it all makes greater sense and purpose. If I'd come across this book first then maybe another book would take it's place in brining everything together? For me, I'm glad to have encountered things in this order. In time, I shall go through the previously studied books again, hoping that an even greater depth of understanding will be achieved. On surface reading the person-centred approach seems very simple and perhaps it is, but the underlying theory involves depth. Rogers, "The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change" seem simple enough:

1. Two persons are in psychological contact.
2. The first, whom we shall term the client, is in a state of incongruence, bring vulnerable or anxious.
3. The second person, whom we shall term the counsellor, is congruent or integrated in the relationship.
4. The counsellor experiences unconditional positive regard for the client.
5. The counsellor experiences an empathic understanding of the client's internal frame of reference and endeavours to communicate this experience to the client.
6. The communication to the client of the counsellor's empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard is to a minimal degree achieved.

No other conditions are necessary. If these six conditions exist, and continue over a period of time, this is sufficient. The process of personality change will follow. (Quoting Rogers in Learning and Being, pg 49)

Yet, there are books written on each step, particularly steps 3 to 5. My comprehension of each step is evolving but, perhaps, with still a long way to go?

A Powerful Day

A powerful day and it's not over yet. Sitting in the car writing this on my phone, while waiting for D to finish teaching for the day.

I've not mentioned much regarding my faith and membership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints previously. Why not? Not sure. Partly as initially thought it has little or no direct relationship to counselling. But as that all forms part of who I am, I suppose it does.

Today the relevance is towards emotions and feelings. Just after 11am this morning left our son M at Heathrow airport, catching a flight to the Missionary Training Centre in Provo, Utah. He's there to learn Cantonese before travelling to Hong Kong, where he'll serve as a missionary for the church. This means we won't see him for approx. 2 years. A great mixture of sadness and joy in all this. Sadness at missing him, but joy in the opportunity it gives him to serve others and to render that service in another culture, where he will learn so much.

Then during the afternoon attended a production of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat", put on by D's primary school class. It was indeed amazing - seeing 10 year olds singing and performing so well. Shed quite a few tears. Both for the children performing so well and being reminded of Joseph of old and our relationship to him through Ephraim.

Learning & Being - chapter 2

Here Tony Merry begins to outline the person-centred concept of human personality. What makes us what we are? Do we have any choice over who we are? Are we completely determined by our past? Are we basically destructive in our natures or constructive?

There is not the time to do full justice to the chapter, but the basic premise is that our natures are constructive, not determined by our past, though past experiences may influence us to some extent and that we have the responsibility for who we are and can become, because we can choose and to a significant degree have the freedom to make those choices. This is a very simplistic outline and should not be taken as is, without further reading.

Learning & Being...

Looking at the title of the book "Learning and Being in Person-Centred Counselling", the arrangement or layout of the text on the cover struck me this morning:

Learning and Being
in
Person-Centred
Counselling

It was the "Learning and Being" at the top, in such large print compared to the rest. It was like it was saying this is what person-centred counselling is all about - being concerned with helping people to "learn" how "to be", that "being" is important and person-centred counselling is about that - helping people "being", "becoming", what they want to be, not guiding them into a situation or person they do not want or perhaps even should not be.

Learning & Being - chapter 1

"Person-centred counselling is only partly about feelings; ... it concerns itself with clients as persons, and that includes feelings, but also thoughts, experience, ideas, fantasies and other sensations." - such a wonderful conceptualisation of person-centred counselling. Tony Merry continues: "the person-centred approach...rests on a deep respect for and trust in the individual's capacity for growth, development and creativity."